The perks of being unemployed

Fact (Dan Brown style) --> The 'perks' in the post title is a 'white lie' ;)

Long tale, but I promise, it is 'interesting' till last paragraph :)

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time, to start even before I left my job on March 28. Wanting is so different than what we actually do and when we do it. So many times, I have had the uncanny feeling that things will happen only when they are ought to. Of course, we do have the power of choice. But, how do we arrive at a particular choice? Is it a conscious or sub-conscious decision? For example, when I did start this post, I didn't have any intention to be talking about 'choice'. Or perhaps, I did have that intention, only it was buried deep in sub-conscious mind :D

Let's leave the fuzzy philosophical thoughts aside and return back to one's wish ;) I wanted to leave the job about 2 years back, when  I lost interest in the field I was working on. The practical mind didn't let me. Or perhaps again, it was just how things were to be. My regret is that I still left some of my responsibilities unfinished and forgetting to thank appropriately. I am not good in things like that :(

'Lost interest' is so odd? I don't blame you, my own understanding of myself and my actions isn't great too. But then, it is a pattern I have had to live with. After 10th, I chose Physics group over Commerce purely because my eldest brother got better marks with that compared to my middle brother. My own 10th marks were reason too - History 87 and Geography 71 were disappointing compared to 90+ in Maths and science subjects (despite my 'fear' over science). I didn't choose Biology group as I hated the subject vehemently.

In 12th, I got some 'interest' in Electronics, but my aim was to become 'software engineer'. So, I chose 'ECE' over 'CS' - falling to popular argument that one can always join s/w company by studying electronics but not other way around, similar to Physics over Commerce group argument in 11th (also the fact that CS in PSG wasn't govt. aided). Before 2nd year was done, I 'hated' software (due to complete mental drain after 10 days of continuous coding to solve a 'digital logic problem' for department project competition). I then switched 'interest' to hardware course in process of working with my teacher.

Beautifully put by Masanobu what I felt once I lost interest in my field of work (Image copied from friend's facebook post)

My handwriting is another enigma. It is somewhat good one day and pathetic another day. Don't remember exactly when, I once tried to change to 'slanted' cursive writing and even did well for a time. Similarly, my biology drawing in school varied too - once, in 10th, I did such a bad one that my class teacher assigned a biology teacher to oversee that I improved (which was after school hours!!) I confounded myself and the teacher by doing a very good job of some diagram - but then, I took about an hour, one doesn't have that luxury in exam hall.


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My father often chastens me that I am not practical and all theoretical. I got a very good taste of just how bad am in real world.

Saturday, March 29: 
In all eagerness of trying to take care of little things, I set out in Metro from Indiranagar. Getting down at Trinity (noticed price rise of metro ride too), I walked the few meters to Axis Bank. I was 'prepared', having photocopy of 'Rental Agreement' which I thought will be enough as proof for change in communication address.

I walked in and had no idea where the help desk was. Standing in the way and going nowhere must have been enough for help desk (by the right side of entrance) to call me, thankfully! I explained my requirement - pat came the reply that 'Rental Agreement' was simply not acceptable. Gas, BSNL landline, DL, voter-id, Aadhar, any other bank statement - none of them I had! I only had Airtel broadband bill and after some checking whether it is acceptable, I was given go ahead. Phew! By now, I was sitting and being given personal attention. All said and done, I was asked to fill a form, get a photocopy of broadband bill, identity proof and a passport size photo. And I clearly remember, I was asked to come on April 2. (My father would have probably found out required docs and gone and finished the process in one shot)

Feeling a bit disappointed, but grateful for any excuse to keep withdrawal effects (from office work) at bay, I then went on foot to Blossoms book house (famous for second hand books) and got more books to read (not withstanding the few still to be read).

Tuesday, April 1:
I cross checked all I had filled in the form, hoping to avoid mistakes and having to fill the form again at the bank. On an impulse, I called up ACT broadband to check if availability in my area has come up (few weeks back they had come back saying it wasn't). But the call wasn't picked. I improvised a bit, I carried a file to keep papers, rental agreement as a backup. Had juice and then got 'two' copies of PAN card (My father always advises to get extra copies than required).

Then, I walked to Airtel customer center, close to Old Madras road (about 10 min walk). (You see, I have a bicycle, but not trusting to park at Axis Bank and to avoid U-turn on MG road, I was playing safe). Again not knowing who to ask, I eventually asked someone that I have some queries about my broadband. I was informed that I will have to go to Airtel office on 100 feet road - this one won't help me. Trying to confirm, I asked if he was referring to Airtel office close to Domlur (knew it when my office was in Diamond District). He didn't exactly confirm that but I walked to KFC and took a bus to Doopanahalli. Walked back a bit trying to locate - saw Vodafone but no Airtel! A security guard of clothing shop informed me that Airtel office has now moved closer to KFC! Cursing myself for not looking up Google before leaving house and not owning a smart phone, I took a bus back to KFC 'and' walked back to finally reach the right Airtel office. (About 40 minutes of unnecessary walk and bus rides)

This one had a designated reception desk in plain view. After getting my point across, the fellow asked me to get a ticket request from touch machine by the entrance. Well, what do you know, I had to enter my Airtel landline number to get a request (the words to that effect was ambiguous, I wasn't sure if I was being asked landline number or account number - something like 'relationship' number). I thankfully had noted down both in note pad, but neither of them worked (the touch screen difficult to operate too). On verge of losing patience, I called receptionist to help me (thankfully keeping my voice low). He entered my landline number, without the '0' in Bangalore's STD code '080'. You tell me, how could I know?


Anyway, I took the ticket and was attended to promptly. I first asked a copy of my previous month's bill, explaining that it was needed for address proof. (All this was extra cautious steps if at all Axis asked me to validate). Next, I asked him to change my plan (I was unnecessarily paying for landline services I never used except for paying when Airtel service engineers placed a call - the irony of it! :( ) He replied that I could do that only by calling customer care or mailing to an id he wrote for me. I then asked the third reason I came for - procedure for termination, citing that I might leave the city given that I left my job.

Then, I walked back to metro station. After baggage x-ray, I got a call back from ACT. Train was arriving, so asking him to hold, I hurried up to catch. The air conditioning cooling my excited state, I was surprised and relieved to hear that ACT was ready to provide me connection. I gave my address and repeated to make sure it was noted correctly. When I reached the bank, it was closed - informed that it was holiday on account of April 1 (must be financial reason than fool's day I presume). I don't need anyone to play prank on me, am a big fool myself :D. I convinced myself that perhaps I was told 'Tuesday' not April 2, why would it be holiday, etc. If not for ACT good news, dunno how bad I would have felt after series of mood spoiling events.

After getting back to room, the ACT representative came. Here too, I had to give address proof, identity proof (happy that 'extra' copy was useful - remember, when I got copy, I didn't know ACT was coming) and passport size photo, along with signing the form where he filled the details. Rental agreement was acceptable, but I wanted to save a copy for myself. Airtel bill too (irony of it again :P), but I had only one copy. Soft copy of bill was acceptable :) Primary reason to change service was that I was getting better deal for Rs 600+ less! It is another matter to see how the service will be, my friends are okay with service so far.

Wednesday, April 2:
Hoping that I won't be sent back for lack of correct documents (or worse, if I forgot some other document required), I took the metro third time. Not before taking extra copy of both Airtel bill and PAN card (again following father's guideline, also I had HDFC card address change to take care too). I walked in confidently and straight to lady who had instructed me last time. Apparently, she was only helping me out, I had to meet someone else to submit the docs.

I fumbled a bit while taking a seat. I handed over filled form and proofs. I repeated that I had left job, etc. Well, can you expect in advance? I have to fill 'two' forms - one for address change and one for change of account from 'salary' to 'savings'. The other lady could have told me on Saturday itself :-/ And for that, I had to provide TWO copies of address proof. I produced it (thanking my father again). Rest of procedures went smooth and I was actually pleased that I got it done, despite the comedies.

Buoyed by success, I then called up HDFC customer care to politely ask procedure for address change. The representative, equally politely, gave every little step to follow - I just had to download a form, take a printout, write my new address and put in dropbox at any HDFC ATM! No address proof required. (FYI, I had looked up in Axis online account to see if I could change address online. But didn't do the same for HDFC credit card :-/ )

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Not exactly a street wise guy I am, you can infer. Which I know it too. Which, my father surmised so long ago. To summarize the post, I am as confused as anyone else what I am gonna do next. I certainly haven't figured it out yet. As can be expected, the void resulted in withdrawing effects. I should have seen it coming but didn't prepare for it. Fortunately for me, my friends had the right words of encouragement and solidify the confidence in myself.

I am enjoying the absence of work such an extent that I keep pushing away the process of trying to earn. I'll leave that to random probability of universe :P And entropy and atoms and Higgs boson :D Instead, for now, I enjoy the slow process of peeling an orange (used to make juice earlier), plucking coriander/palak leaves from strands for chutney, getting used to Ubuntu (detailed post coming later), sorting out old clothes and donating to my maid and isthiri wala, alarm free sleep, the extra time in mornings to go for a run/cycling, wandering in neighborhood to note eateries and other shops, blogging more than usual, learning a thing or two about social life and so on.

Have a nice day and listen to your heart once in a while at least :)

Weird or Coincidence?

Yo! Writing a post here after a long time :)

I wanted to do this post for a long time now. Better late than never. I present few of my experiences here which are unrelated but with a common theme.

Image Courtesy: Link

Incident 1:

Cannot recollect the exact period, but probably 10-14 years back. Our school was on Kangayam road (Tirupur), and everyday on the way to school, we used to look with awe at Velan hotel (a popular hotel, where film shooting has also taken place). How we longed to go inside! One day (night I should say) I got a dream of visiting Velan hotel. The only thing I remembered after waking up was a wooden model of a ship with glossy finish. Sometime later, I got a chance to actually go inside the hotel! It so happened that one of my father's friend was blessed with a boy and Velan hotel was chosen for treat. Man, I was so excited. And guess what, there was a wooden ship model with glossy finish!

Incident 2:

This happened in college. Coming out of exam hall, I was quickly moving towards my department to check score of India's cricket match. I remember moving pretty fast as I wanted to check the scores and rush home to prepare for next day's exam. Suddenly I felt as if someone was calling me and turned back. I remember that I pointedly looked in a particular direction. It happened to be my classmates who were discussing about me (or perhaps trying to get my attention) and I distinctly remember I used my thumb to question what it was! The distance between us was large enough that I couldn't have heard their call with all the chatter from students coming out of the exam hall. Later when we met, the classmates were perplexed as well as to how I turned towards them.

Incident 3:

On an industrial visit in train. We were playing dumbsharads. After many rounds, I had been thinking on a difficult movie name. I stuck on one and had in mind to be asked. The opponent team had given one and one of our team mate was about to act it out. Wonder what prompted me, before any acting was done I guessed the right movie name. And it was the same I had in my mind. For the record, the movie name was 'Billa'.

Incident 4:

In my workplace this time. I had gone to my supervisor's cabin to discuss something. He wasn't there and I started walking back. My supervisor at that time was coming from pantry. He saw me and wanted to draw my attention. My back was turned to him and he hadn't voiced out my name. I felt as if he was waving his hands (though I didn't ask him later if he did wave his hands) and turned to acknowledge him. At the time I turned to him, he was definitely looking in my direction and hence the assumption that he was trying to draw my attention.

Incident 5:

I was going through the meaning of Gayatri Mantra one day. I was very intrigued by its wordings and different interpretations prevalent. This scientific explanation caught my attention the most. It says that 'Om' is the sound produced because of the rotation of planets, solar systems, galaxies etc. That night I had a dream where I 'felt' the rotating sensation.

Edit - Incident 6:
Happened during first year of college. There was an assignment for a programming language (C or C++, don't remember which) - it consisted of writing many short programs to solve given problems (and may be some spot errors and the like). I tried to solve many (perhaps full assignment, can't be sure after nearly 10 years gone). That night though, I had a dream which pointed out an error in one of the programs - which turned out to be true the next day I checked!

What to conclude from these incidents? That we have some powers buried deep inside which arise in little incidents and pass almost unnoticed? A couple of books I have read ('God is not Dead' by Amit Goswami and 'The Intention Experiment' by Lynne McTaggart) provide answers for all of the above.

These books bring to light about scientific experiments conducted and verified by different researchers around the globe. I am presenting below a gist of some the interesting ones. (Details may not be exactly correct, as am writing off my memory)

• We can anticipate future incidents, or atleast our mind prepares to forth-coming event. There is something called random event generator which uses electro-magnetic noise. Its output has high degree of randomness. When the 2001 twin tower tragedy happened, this device reading ceased to be random two hours prior the tragedy and continued to be so for around 2 more days. There is a more fool-proof evidence that time as we know isn't one-way.
• A random event generator is set so as to produce either a '0' or a '1'. A computer logs them all and produces a final result of % of '0' and '1'. They are printed, sealed and kept locked, without 'anyone' having the knowledge of the result. A group of people are then asked to meditate, focusing on trying to bias the already generated result of the computer to one of the values, say '1'. Now the sealed print-outs are opened and checked to see if they biased to the number tried. And it was! This experiment has been repeated many times to rule out coincidences.
• We know that brain activity can be measured as it involves electrical signals. Two people (with close relation) are seated in different rooms with electro-magnetic noise shield so as to record only the brain activity. One of them is asked to 'send' a thought to the other person in his mind. The other person was given some random activity and had no idea when the first person would send the 'thought'. When the thought was sent, similar looking brain patterns were registered instantaneously for both. And this was the case even when the two of them were separated by half the world distance.

To believe that the above experiments are true is left to us. 'The Lost Symbol' by Dan Brown also has reference to some of these experiments, though I believe he has exaggerated some of them. To me, they are fascinating. More so, as I could correlate them with my experiences. As Amit Goswami argues, can we bind 'consciousness' to materialistic body? The true extend of ability of our brain may never be found. And perhaps, that is not relevant. Because, there is so much that we do not know, or perhaps we know nothing at all, as to why we exist.

Of Dreams & Nightmares

After all my exams finished in 7th semester of college (November 2007), I was quite happy that I would be freed from preparing for an exam again! Atleast for the foreseeable future.. But I was wrong.. I have since given countless exams.. all types of crazy ones.. and guess what.. without an iota of preparation! Mind has got an ingenious way of making me give it.. yes, I am speaking of my first recurring night-mare I have known.. to those who have known me in school or college, they would scarcely believe me.. but it is true.. Even today morning around 6am, I woke up in fear of writing a hindi exam where I was damn slow to answer the questions!! I have always had fear of exams which made me, to an extent, to study hard and attend the exam with gr8 confidence.. Now I am unable to quell away this recurring night-mare :(.. I guess, my fear for exams is still deeply imprinted in my mind..

Anyway, these night-mares got me to again think on the subject of "dreams".. Like you would all have done, I have spent many hours contemplating on "dreams".. One thing that strikes me is that most (if not all) of the times, dreams have the characters/objects known to me.. only these known ones are vivid enough for recollection, rest of them are hazy.. also, when a book I am reading interests me very much, or sleeping after an uncompleted cricket match I like, with astonishing consistency, they have appeared in my dreams.. with all kinds of crazy events happening related to it.. mostly it takes the form I do not desire to happen..

Image Courtesy : Link

It is not like dreams always make us anxious.. sometimes, they tend to help us in clearing our thoughts/understanding.. I do remember a dream I had in 1st yr of college.. I had written few C/C++ programs required for the assignment.. in my dreams, i discovered that I had made a logical mistake in one of the programs.. which proved correct when I reviewed it the next day!!.. and recently, I have had similar dreams related to my office work which helped me..

I do believe, that in our dreams, our reactions are close to what we would have done in reality.. an example: few weeks back, i had watched die-hard2 before sleeping.. in my dream, I am taken as "prisoner" along with many others... each one is being checked for weapons.. and those who lied are tortured... interestingly, I had a bomb with me which I was entrusted with before being captured..to kill the enemy... now, when my turn comes for inspection, instead of blowing the enemy (along with me, ofcourse) I fear for my life and give it up.. (and, as with dreams, the scene later changed dramatically to my college!! )

And a final thought on my night-mares... they have atleast united both the schools I attended, college and the friends I had there... they all get mixed-up in a bizarre sequence.. changing from schools to college or mingling my school and college friends in the other location... and, few of them do not involve the exam-nightmares.. they become a treasure to be savored for the day...

A Late Realization

Today morning, I was reflecting on my corporate life which lead to comparison with student life... paid to do what our manager demands, but find listening to the lecturer difficult... office timings are flexible but strict timings for student... have to pay from pockets to go for a tour(officially IV), here the company arranges... leave letters or scoldings for bunking, but paid leaves in office... internet access all day in office, but scarcely in school or limited in college.. at home, watching as many movies as I like, listening to music I like, buying things which I dreamed off.. and so on...
Suddenly the corporate life seems much better!! but hey, am I not missing something? where are my little dreams of achieving big in life? where is my motivation hiding? where is my desire to get something? When stacked against odds, I excelled, worked hard, had my dreams and motivation, had desires to invent something great.. but now that the life is easy going, I find it difficult to live that way... the freedom I yearned so much for, seems to have enslaved me...

(Image Courtesy: Link)

Why can't I go back to my ignorant days with wild imaginations and fantasies... perhaps the answer lies in not being able to adapt to my freedom... those little dreams, goal-setting, anticipation of results, etc used to be my world... all joy within the soul and less dependent on outside world... but all these are absent for a long time now.... hope I can wake those dreams all over again...